NDCQ - Not Dead Can't Quit

This paper was written to my now former Navy SEAL mentor whos name I will not disclose (Yes, I have had his credentials checked). He is fully aware of my condition and circumstances and has still chosen to mentor me.

                                                            Introduction to myself

So, to start this paper off, I thought I should tell you a little bit about who I am first. I think it’s important I tell you everything I can to help you make your decision to mentor me or not. My name is Ryan Michael Friese, my birthday is 3/5/89. I’m originally from Bellingham Washington, but I’m living and going to college in Sheridan Wyoming and I’m in the 1^st year of my 2^nd degree for engineering. My grandpa was in the Navy in WWII and my cousin Jon Svaren served 15 years as a technician and has a lot of SEAL buddies. I’ve wanted to be a SEAL ever since I was about 14.

I was born with a mild birth defect called Poland syndrome. That means I’m missing my pectoral major and a knuckle on my index finger, both on the right side. It has never stopped me from doing anything, and usually it goes unnoticed by me and others. I can’t think of anything I’ve never been able to do. Do I know if that will affect my enlistment to the Navy? No. I have never been given the chance to prove myself. So how can you know if a door is totally closed if you don’t actually test it? However, I do need a waiver.

I tried to enlist last year (2010) with the Navy, but the recruiter I worked with (Petty Officer Dustin Reed) wasn’t straight up with me for the 3 months I waited around for an answer of some kind. He kept telling me how my paperwork was climbing the ranks since I needed a waiver for approval. Come to find out later after going to MEPs through the Air Force (Stg. James Bailey) that not only was the paperwork that I was given from the Navy completely wrong and supposed to be seen after being sworn in, it collected dust for 3 months. What actually happened (According to Bailey) was Reed called down to MEPs about my condition and asked the doctors about it (Or “phoneadoc” is what he called it I think?). So, every time I called Reed to check my status, he lied to me. This whole time I had been waiting around I was oblivious that there was nothing even going on. I was done a huge injustice through this, not even given a chance to enlist through the Navy to see if I would be approved. When I went to MEPs through the Air Force, it was to make a path to the Navy, I was denied (Thank God, since the Navy is now taking no prior servicemen for SEAL). I would have screwed myself forever if I would have made it into the Air Force. Since the Air Force apparently has much higher standards than the Navy, I was denied, but was encouraged by the people at MEPs to keep trying and try the Navy elsewhere to see if the Navy would approve me. So that’s exactly what I’m doing. I’m waiting to see, and waiting diligently preparing myself for if that day comes. And if it comes, I will be ready.

Why do you want to become a Navy SEAL?

            Because I have a gift and a calling.

            We are each created with different talents and gifts. Things we are naturally inclined to. It’s like when God created us, he lined us up and handed each one of us a package. This person was meant to be a doctor, this one is a lawyer, this one a veterinarian, this one a Navy SEAL. And when you know who you are, and you see what your passion and desire is, there’s something way down deep inside you that says, that is what I love. That is where I want to be. That is what I want to do. It’s something that can’t be fabricated from artificial motives, like money or things. If deep down, you know you have a heart to be a doctor, then you are going to be a doctor and follow your heart and solidify your mind to the reasons you believe are valid to becoming one. When you are true to yourself, and you lead a righteous life, you know that there can be nothing else. And for me, becoming a Navy is just that. And in order to accept that package, you have to accept everything goes along with it. You can’t just pick out the good things, you have to accept it all to have it all. There are pros and cons to becoming a Navy SEAL, just like any other career, but in order to become one, you have to accept the price.

I have a gift to serve, a gift to fit the mold, a gifted mindset, and a gift to give. It’s more than just becoming something. It’s about already being something to fit the mold of something else. That certain something else is being a man. To become a SEAL, you have to become a man and be a good person first. It comes from an internal sense of who I already am and what I see through my eyes.

I think Don Shipley said it, “SEALs are born, not made.” I believe this is true. We all come from different walks of life to Coronado to have our package tested to see if we really were born with it. It’s like a wolf separated from his pack at birth. We’re all over the place and we come from all over, but we find each other and become one pack. It’s not the star quarterback in high school that makes it through BUD/s, it’s the guy who has the team living attitude and knows where he belongs and never gives up getting there. It’s the guy who has made small choices his whole life to do the right thing and to follow his heart and desires.

It’s not about the name or fame of being a SEAL. It’s about the man next to you and becoming one unit. I usually don’t even like telling people I want to be a SEAL because most people are clueless about what they’re talking about. When I think of SEAL, I think about what that actually means: to be the person, to live the lifestyle, to endure the hardship, and to do the not so sexy things. This is the first time I’ve ever been able to explain myself to someone else and what this means to me. There is no other branch of the military, no other unit I would rather be a part of, no one else I have a heart for, except the SEALs. I don’t care what kinds of things people try to scare me with. Swimming with sharks in the big black scary ocean, being claustrophobic stuck in an SDV for hours at a time, the fear of death being in a fire fight, the discomforts and lack of thanks. Nothing scares me enough to say I don’t want to do that. Nothing bothers me enough to want to back off because I know that those men are still out there fighting and dying and I want to help, no matter the cost. People have tried to scare me away from the idea with the “what if’s” frame of mind, but my dad told me once, “Don’t ever give up what you do know for what you don’t know.” And what I do know is that I have a gift. And I am going to use that gift for God’s glory. All I can do is not worry, trust God, follow Him, and push through the mental obstacles of “what if.” It doesn’t matter how badly something sucks or how dangerous something is. It just doesn’t matter. Most people can’t even imagine going through such suffering, training and hardship. They’re happy chasing women with their 6 figure income, their 9-5 office cubical job, or their toys. I can’t imagine going the rest of my life without at least TRYING to become a SEAL. And when I say trying, I don’t mean just like seeing if it’s right for me kind of thing. Like, I had better have a good reason as to why I didn’t make it, like being crippled for the rest of my life, or have an arm cut off. I take the word “trying” very seriously. Whatever the cost, so help me God, I will get there. Former Navy SEAL Richard “Mack” Machowicz once said, “You can only stop a man in two ways, if he gives up, or he dies, and that was the level of commitment that I had.” That’s the level of commitment that I have to this thing too.

There is a war that rages within me every day as I live my life. I have wrestled over the years with this. I have tried to sluff it off, give it up, forget about it, run away from it, but I can’t get away from it because I can’t get away from myself. I have had to accept this thing because it is my passion and I choose to be committed to it. It is who I am and how I was created to be. I am sheepdog. The burden is heavy, but the task at hand is never greater than the force behind me. That’s the strength of the Lord right there. Nobody in their right mind does so much for so long for so little without a greater purpose inside them. There has to be something inside you driving you to wake up every single day and live your life to such an extreme as I do. I’m not even in BUD/s yet, but I know how badly I want it. There has to be some incredible foundation and potential in a person’s life to consistently want and strive for something that quite frankly, may never happen. Who am I to say that I WILL become a SEAL? I want to, more than anything else in the world, but things happen something. This is a long shot, but with hard work and determination, I will find a way. If I can’t find a way, I will make a way. If I can’t find or make a way, I will wait for a way. THERE HAS TO BE A WAY. Doing this is as important to me as the air I breathe, because when you want to succeed as bad as you want to breathe, then you will be successful.

I read an excellent book in college that you would enjoy called “The last lecture” in college last semester by Randy Pausch (highly recommended). He was a professor at Mellon Carnegie, an imagineer at Disneyworld, and a motivational speaker as he had terminal cancer. He stood up on stage giving inspiration and wisdom with a smile on his face as he was about to die in the coming months. He talked about how there are obstacles to pursuing a career to keep the people who truly don’t want it, out. Some obstacles people, things, steps, hard work, and talent. He went to college to get his PHD, and it took him 15 years to get a job as an imagineer at Disneyworld, but he never quit trying to get around the obstacles.

I never want to live a lie, and if God told me tomorrow to drop this whole thing and gave me a different desire, I would. That’s how I operate, everything or nothing, in everything I do. I cannot betray myself or my conscience. Because if I do, I stop growing and I begin to wither. So since I am being true to myself and leading a righteous life, I am following what I believe to be my calling. I’m not crazy, I’m just passionate and determined to look in every nook and cranny for the opportunity to go do it.

I hope I’m not overstepping my boundaries here since I’m not a Navy SEAL, but those are my men, my team, they are my burden and my heart is nowhere else. They’re out there fighting and sacrificing everything that they have to offer with little or no thanks. But even still, there is nowhere else I would rather be except with my team. There is a call of duty from deep within. It is silent and few hear it. I hear this calling and everyday it wells up within me to run after it. Daily, I pray for the SEALs and how I long to be with them. But as for now, I diligently prepare myself to follow and to lead them. When the door opens, when my time comes to go, I will be ready.

If I’m this motivated and excited now, and I’m not in BUD/s, I can’t even imagine how excited I would be when I get there. I don’t want to just say I’m a SEAL, I want to be one. I want to be a SEAL because I enjoy working out hard and challenging myself physically.  I have a very strong body and cardiovascular engine. I usually train 5-6 days a week and I use P90X as just a warm up routine. I try to work out throughout the day doing random sets of pushups, sit ups, run with weights, and what not like Don has explained to me to do. It’s not good enough to do one hour in the gym. I have to really push myself every day, and I do it by myself. The motivation comes from within and my body will do whatever my mind tells it to do.

My life is not my own, and I was bought with a price by Christ. The standards of my life are really high, and I don’t ask for a lighter load, I ask for a stronger back. There would be no point in tests or trials if you were always just looking for a way to get out of them. I have the heart to do it, I just need to be given the chance and guidance because like in a SEAL Team, I can’t do it alone.

I also really want to become a Navy SEAL because I heard somewhere along the way that as a SEAL it is extremely rewarding and you get to do all kinds of cool stuff, like travel, shoot guns, jump out of airplanes, etc

What do you think it means to become a Navy SEAL?

Self-confidence, sacrifice, and team oriented living is what it means to become a SEAL.  Every day, you have to wake up and take up your cross. There are new personalities and circumstances to deal with every day and you are expected to learn to put on humility and take on leadership. You have to be willing to do or become what you may or may not like, but at the same time balancing fun and doing what you love to the fullest extent.

To become a Navy SEAL, means that you are a killer. You are expect to train relentlessly all of the time on how to kill people and take life, but at the same time you have to learn to “turn it off” and come home to a wife and kids. You have to learn how to tuck your kids into bed and read them bedtime stories or mow the lawn. It also means learning to build healthy relationships with those around you.

I hope I don’t get married going into the Navy because that means I would be away from her 200+ days out of the year. I wouldn’t really want to put anyone through that. It is kind of a big con of becoming a Navy SEAL because I would like to get married, but I’m willing to give that up. To become a SEAL is a tall order. To become a SEAL as a devout Christian is a taller order. To become a SEAL, a Christian, and to get married? I’m pushing my luck as is.

If I want to become a Navy SEAL, that means losing best friends, teammates, and going to funerals of those closest to me. Dealing with death and having the grim reaper take a couple of swipes at you yourself is the norm. You are pretty much guaranteed to get hurt, it’s just when and how badly. The sacrifices are immense. Every day and in everything you do is sacrificial and without thanks or recognition. Even things truly valuable to you, no one will ever know or understand just what you give. Even in death, only those closest to me would understand the sacrifice. But like I said, I do all things for the glory of God and for a greater good. So with that being said, the good the bad and the ugly, I accept it. My men need me and I need them. I have already sacrificed so much to get where I am and dodged so many bad roads I could have gone down in my life. It’s like God has had me on this path and been priming me for this all along.

Like I said earlier, it’s like being handed a package. There are good things, great things, and not so great things, but the package is mine.

What do you think it’ll make me become?

            Out of all the questions, this one is the most uncertain. How do you explain experience? How can you explain somewhere you haven’t been in your life? I can only speculate.

            With knowing who I am though, I believe that becoming a Navy SEAL will draw me closer to God and build character. I have already seen glimpses in my life of what I think it’ll make me to be. The excitement in doing what I love, and the fear of my circumstances pushes me to God for strength.

            I want to be extraordinary and live an extraordinary life. Extraordinary is my word, how I try to measure my life in all that I do. I want to have extraordinary character in every way possible. Whether that be courage, strength, integrity, faith, hope, desire, wisdom, knowledge, manliness, leadership, etc etc. I want to be razor sharp for God to use, before, during, and after the Navy. I want to be a bear of a man, but still have that gentle touch.

            I think the best way to describe what I believe it’ll make me to become is to show you.

United States Navy SEAL Creed:

In times of war or uncertainty there is a special breed of warrior ready to answer our Nation’s call (Matthew 7:7-8, Psalms 1:1-3). A common man with uncommon desire to succeed (Ephesians 2:8-10, Colossians 3:22-23, Matthew 22:37, Psalms 37:1-6, 1 Peter 5:6, Proverbs 3:5-6).

Forged by adversity, he stands alongside America’s finest special operations forces to serve his country, the American people, and protect their way of life (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, Matthew 20:26, Psalms 35:1-3).

I am that man (Isaiah 6:8).

My Trident is a symbol of honor and heritage. Bestowed upon me by the heroes that have gone before, it embodies the trust of those I have sworn to protect (Nehemiah 4:15-17). By wearing the Trident I accept the responsibility of my chosen profession and way of life. It is a privilege that I must earn every day(Luke 9:23).

My loyalty to Country and Team is beyond reproach. I humbly serve as a guardian to my fellow Americans always ready to defend those who are unable to defend themselves (Proverbs 31:8-9, Philippians 2:4, 1 Peter 3:8). I do not advertise the nature of my work, nor seek recognition for my actions. I voluntarily accept the inherent hazards of my profession, placing the welfare and security of others before my own (Joshua 1:9). 

I serve with honor on and off the battlefield (1 Peter 4:12, 2 Corinthians 4:16). The ability to control my emotions and my actions, regardless of circumstance, sets me apart from other men (Matthew 5:5, 1 Corinthians 10:13, James 1:1-8).  

Uncompromising integrity is my standard (James 4:10). My character and honor are steadfast. My word is my bond (1 Corinthians 9:24-27, 1 Timothy 6:11-12, Matthew 24:45-47, Romans 5:3-4).

We expect to lead and be led. In the absence of orders I will take charge, lead my teammates and accomplish the mission. I lead by example in all situations (1 Peter 4:10, Psalms 78:72).

I will never quit (Philippians 4:13, Luke 1:37). I persevere and thrive on adversity (Job 23:10). My Nation expects me to be physically harder and mentally stronger than my enemies (Psalms 147:6). If knocked down, I will get back up, every time (Psalms 73:26). I will draw on every remaining ounce of strength to protect my teammates and to accomplish our mission. I am never out of the fight (Galatians 6:9).

We demand discipline. We expect innovation. The lives of my teammates and the success of our mission depend on me – my technical skill, tactical proficiency, and attention to detail. My training is never complete (Psalms 144:1-2).

We train for war and fight to win (Deuteronomy 31:6). I stand ready to bring the full spectrum of combat power to bear in order to achieve my mission and the goals established by my country. The execution of my duties will be swift and violent when required yet guided by the very principles that I serve to defend (Romans 13:4).

Brave men have fought and died building the proud tradition and feared reputation that I am bound to uphold (Psalms 23:4, Psalms 27:1). In the worst of conditions, the legacy of my teammates steadies my resolve and silently guides my every deed (Matthew 25:14-30, Jeremiah 29:11).

I will not fail (2 Timothy 4:7).

I see scripture in all of the SEAL’s creed and what they live by. This isn’t even all of them that I see either. I just picked about 50 of them to show you how I live my life in comparison to the SEAL way of life. This is who I am, this is what I want, and this where I want to be.

            I'm not concerned about money, women, things or power. I would give it all away.  My men are out there fighting and dying every day in the very worst of conditions. They leave family, friends and all comforts of life behind. There’s a freezing big black ocean swimming with sharks, the constant fear of death on my doorstep and those around me, the exhausting lifestyle of constant training. There is nowhere else I would rather be. Sacrifice, that's what it means to become a Navy SEAL. And so help me God, if there is a way, I will find a way to my teammates. I just want to be with my team.

You know the 22 SEALs that died in that crash in August? I keep a laminated picture of one of them with me every day as a reminder of the big shoes I may fill one day. Aaron Vaughn is my favorite out of all the SEALs that died because of who he was as a man, a Christian, a husband, a father, and a SEAL. I hope that one day I might become half the man that he was.

 I will continue to pray for them and set goals so that that possibly, one day, I may have the great honor of serving with America’s finest and earn the title, a United States Navy SEAL.

10/3/11 Update: As of now, I have a new recruiter and am taking the month of October to prepare my package to be submitted again to the Navy. I am looking for all the support I can get! If you, or you know anyone that can help me, such as doctors, SEALs, etc or anyone relevant please help me make this dream come true. I talked to my recruiter today and I have about a 1% chance of getting a waiver. I am not out of this fight though. I think of it as if I were competing in the Olympics. I only have one shot to "win this." 

-Ryan Friese