I am having a really bad day
This is kind of a heavy subject here, maybe not appropriate I don't know but I need to vent a bit. Hope I don't offend anyone. I just had the truly miserable duty of calling law enforcement and reporting my oldest daughter for domestic violence and child endangerment. (Its not the child or daughter you may have seen on my facebook page) She has had alcohol, crime, and violence issues since she was a teen and unfortuantely does not learn from her mistakes. She is living with another violent alcoholic guy and they get drunk and duke it out regularly. She throws the first punch as often as he does I hear. They now have a 2 month old little baby in the middle of this craziness. We warned them when she was pregnant we would report them if this continued after the baby was born. Well today we reached the tipping point. I am now waiting for the family fallout. She knows we reported, she informed us she did not want our help, and we responded the baby girl can't ask and we're doing it for her. Its absolutely the right thing, I would do it again, but man it sucks! We have all told her to leave, told her about the local womens shelter, alcohol treatment and everything else we can think of. Nothing! I doubt childrens services will do much. Its depressing and sad. It is also crappy when you are watching your kid behave this badly, adult or not. If any of you guys are praying people we could use some about now. Thanks, Deb
I'm so done
Well the officials from childrens services spoke with my daughter and her boyfriend and examined the baby and then closed the case. Tonight they are living together again and the boyfriend called my younger daughter (she reported with me) and threatened to have us both jumped and assaulted by his associates. You would never know these are adults! Ain't doing the right thing grand! I am so beyond words... deb
Deborah Roberts
Hello Deb, It must be
Hello Deb,
It must be frustrating for you as a mom that childrens services did nothing to protect your grandchild. The only thing left for you is keep a eye on them and hope for the best. If her boyfriend really threatened your other daughter and you it maybe would be wise idea to go to the police and tell them your story ( the police probable can't do anything right now but at least they now something is wrong).
Hope for the best.
My thougts are with you.
Love Francoise
I have to let go
There has been stuff going on with my oldest son also during this time. These two are biological siblings and sooo much alike. My head says its time to cut ties with both of them. The Mom part of me has gotten through the last 12 years of over-the-top teenage hell with them by the bedrock commitment that you don't give up hope and you don't quit trying with your kids. I thought if I could keep them alive and out of prison to age 20 they might have a shot at normal life. We're well past that age, they're adults, and I'm no longer responsible for them and its going nowhere but downhill. There is no relationship left and I honestly don't think they are capable of one. They are not stable or safe and Its time to cut all ties. I have known that but I avoided it because it hurts, I feel like a failure and all the blood sweat and tears has been for nothing. But its not just about us anymore. My middle daughter is getting stressed from this insanity and she doesn't need or deserve it. My 16 y/o son wanted to go kick somebodies butt for having the audacity to be mean to and threaten his mother and sister. They can't get sucked into this or they will take us all down with them. They know where to find me if there is some sudden miraculous U-turn in they're lives. I don't get to see my granddaughter anyway. All I can do is keep my eyes and ears open to what I hear as far as their treatment of her. Unfortuantely until they actually hurt her no one official will intervene. So I am running into the pain again, letting myself get mad and keep on moving because there is too much at stake to quit. The message of NDCQ is make a committment and don't give up. But I'm thinking its time to throw in the towel with these two. You can't help people who don't want it. God knows there a million parents dealing with the same kind of stuff, so I have no excuse for self-pity. I run into them all the time. Time to move on but it more than sucks. Thank you everyone for your kindness and I'm sorry for dumping this here. My best to all of you. Deb
Deborah Roberts
Hang in there!
My prayers are with you...The Lord knows you are doing the right thing. Be strong...!
Doc.
What can I say
Hello Deb,
What can I say except that you did the only right action you could do. It must be very hard for a mother to do so. But your daughter is not be able to take care of her child so you must take that responsibility. This little baby has no voice but the right to live a good life. Your daughter is an adult so she is reponsible for her own actions. I hope that childrens services will take the right actions but also that your daughter will find the right way to overcome her problems.
I am thinking of you and send you all my love and positive energy!
Francoise
You can count on our prayers.
Hello Deb:
I wanted to express my solidarity during this very hard times.
You can count on our prayers to the Lord.
I hope with all my heart that things start to get better soon, and that the little baby is out of harms way. You are a very strong woman by taking the actions you did today, and at the end the little baby is going to be the one who is going to benefit from your actions.
God bless you Deb and your family.
Sincerelly,
Santiago Rios (Doc)
you did the right thing
As a mom I know it is heartbreaking to not be able to help your child. You want to fix things, but can't. I am sorry you are having to go thru this. You did the best thing you could in the situation. You are a awesome grandmother in this case. That infant is totally helpless and cannot ask for or seek help. She is totally dependent on the braveness of her grandma, and you rocked standing up for what is best for the baby. I am hoping the baby is safe now, in child protective services. No child should have to grow up in a scary environment. At that age they are too vulnerable. Please continue to think of the welfare of the baby. Your daughter in the longrun will hopefully appreciate that you cared enough to protect the baby, when she was unable to.
I truly appreciate your kindness
Last week when I told a close family member i may have to report the situation, The first response I heard is "You can't report her, she will burn your house down with you in it," Its not an unreasonable assumption. shes done that before with others inside with several children. She scares and intimidates a lot of people. I just dont intimidate easy where the right thing is clear. She was very angry with me. however her concern over childrens services apparently didn't mean much because this evening she and the boyfriend went back to the bar!!! That probably tells you everything right there. I doubt she will do something drastic, It will be slashed tires or vandalism at best. Never- the- less fortune favors the prepared so I keep everything locked up, checked the smoke alarm and am glad i have an inside dog who goes bananas when he hears anything outside. Keeping the cell phone close. I am worried they will leave town and cut off any way we have of following her activities. Sheriffs department sent a unit out and missed them, they had just left, I don't know if they will do anything further. If they follow up by notifying some childrens services workers it would be good. He has threatened to kill my daughter and she said Friday night he was completely out of control. That they could kill each other is of equal concern because it is escalating. There is very little else I can do. It's one thing to be an adult and choose to continue living like this. It is another thing entirely for an vulnerable dependant baby to be dragged through it all. My fear is that one good hard shake can brain damage or kill her, shes very tiny also so it wouldn,t take much. A couple of angry drunks can yank around on a baby without even realizing what they are doing. It scares the crap out of me. As you can see I'm still up at nearly 3 AM! Oh well you make the best call you can and dig out the umbrella for the fallout. I really appreciate your understanding and support. You never quit being the Mom even when they're grown. Thanks you guys! Deb
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Deborah Roberts
I had a 24 hour migraine, Stress!
Well finally got rid of the headache. I decided to get busy and distract myself from the other issues. At the end of the day here I know nothing has been done by law enforcement or childrens services. Perhaps on Monday during office hours!! Its enough to make you beat your head on the wall. I got on my treadmill and burned off some stress and then buried myself in homework. I am working hard at choosing not to worry or live in guilt or fear. (Even when you can't think of a thing you did to mess them up to this degree you always worry its somehow your fault they are so dysfunctional, at least I do, its not logical or true in this case but there it is) Sometimes you have to let go or things will eat you up. I'll do what is necessary to protect as I can. At the end of the day its her responsibility. Thanks again everybody. Deb
Deborah Roberts
Oh Man Deb
I cannot imagine what you must be going through. You are absolutely in my prayers. I pray that your innocent Grandchild is now in good and safe hands and out of harms way. Is there a possibility that the child could end up in your care from here? Are you ok with that if it does happen? You did do what needed to be done and that baby has now become the most important person here. It makes me so sad that a woman would stay involved in a toxic relationship such as your daughter's, but it is sadly so common. Please stay strong. You are so smart to stay distracted with your homework and running. But, be sure not to wear yourself down. You have so many great things going your way right now and again I cannot imagine the hurt, fear and pain you must be feeling regarding your daughter, but please take care of yourself as best as possible. Praying for that little baby, for you and for your daughter. Please keep in touch and let us know you're ok.
Mandy
Thank You Mandy
My daughter was 5 when she was finally taken from her meth addicted family. She and her biological brother are my two oldest children now in their 20's. At 5 she was considered severely emotionally disturbed. She was this cute, fun, funny little girl and a natural leader. She has a ton of potential. She also was a pathological liar, killed a cat with her bare hands and tried to drown her brother in the bathtub! At 14 she met the textbook definiftion of a sociopath, as in no empathy, no guilt, no shame, and no responsibility. She thinks it is fun to find a way around every authority and every rule and the rules of society do not apply to her. She uses and abuses everyone she has a relationship with and burns every bridge behind her. It is heartbreaking on about every level and I have been dealing with it for years. I might add her brother is the same way. Thank God my younger two are good hearted caring human beings. When this pregnancy came along my heart dropped to my toes. I know no one who should never be allowed custody of a child more than her. Many, many people have horrible beginnings and make choices to become better people or at least have a better life than they had as kids. She has had so much invested in her by so many good people who lived character and good choices before her and tough loved her through so much crap. And I don't mean just me. She has had multiple opportunities to redirect her path. But if you feel no guilt, remorse or shame you have no incentive to change. I struggle to know when to interact with her and when not too. Every holiday,family event, and birthday i have to decide all over again what degree of involvement do I allow. She is so untrustworthy and so willing to take every opportunity to use people, its tough. I also consider her dangerous because she has no internal line she will not cross. Combine alcohol, sociopathy, and bad influences and I am not sure if there is anything she is not capable of. If you want to know what qualifies me as a teacher of parents, I can say raising these two exposed me to decisions, behavioral challenges, and situations no parent should ever face and I learned a ton. I will keep taking every opportunity to intervene on my granddaughters behalf and that is all I can do. Since I am a "fix it" kind of person feeling helpless is very miserable, and being someone who tries to live an honorable life having a child who behaves like this can be tough to swallow. But you can't control other people, only your own choices. I am glad I'm in school, it will keep me busy so keeping my mind off this will be easier. I think I might have to come up with a new trigger word here! lol. As for the possibility of ending up with custody of her, I have given that thought. I don't think I am healthy enough to take on a newborn and raise her. Honestly, I am emotionally drained by the parenting I've done to this point. I was looking forward to a little freedom after about 20 years of parenting. I don't want to bite off what I can't chew because I feel bad saying "no". Thats one of the big issues with my daughter, every situation is a "no win" no matter what you do. And I will feel horrible saying "no". I just can't go there right now. Pray the baby gets out safe, thats the big concern now. I am sorry, I am way to long winded! I'll work on that! My best to you all. Deb
Deborah Roberts
How are you holding up?
I hope you're doing okay and I hope that the proper authorities are helping your granddaughter.
Just wanted you to know you were being thought about.
Christine
I'm hanging in.
I've been feeling a bit over whelmed but I am hanging in there. I am discovering I don't deal with stress nearly as well as I used to. I used to take a licking and keep on ticking but not anymore! Baby is still with mom. Mom has left boyfriend for the moment. Shes has done this many times and returned but it is getting pretty ugly at this point. Found the child welfare phone number today.No emergency contact listing, No city listing, no county listing, found it in tiny print under the state health and human services. Like its some state secret- dear Lord! Made a report straight to them. They said they would call when they had any news. I am not holding my breath. Snowing big time, waded through it today at school with a 50 lb bag of books on my back because its a rolling bag that broke apart! The snows a pain but it is beautiful. My son has been sweet, kind, and my joy today. Hope all is well with all of you. Dream, Dare, Do! Deb
Deborah Roberts
Hang in there Deb!
You are a good person doing good things. Hang in there. We are pulling for you and praying for you and yours.
Mandy
How Are You Deb?
Just thinking about you! We're here..
NDCQ ;-)
One step at a time
I am pretty much focusing on one task and one moment at a time- "that six inches in front of your face.' If I look up I get too overwhelmed, I plug along! School is keeping me very busy as is physical therapy. I have only walked 3 times this week but I need to be doing five. My ankles are sore from the PT I do 2 times a day and I am very tired because I'm having trouble sleeping. I get to sleep and then wake up 2 hours later and can't sleep. My mind isn't quite as sharp as I like it to be right now so school work is taking a little longer. My oldest son is acting out again, trouble with the law, on top of my daughters unresolved problem. She went back to crazy boyfriend. Don't even want to get into that. Those 2 are like unending soap operas! My momentum is slowing down but I am persisting. All these obstacles and stressors will pass eventually. I keep plugging until the scenery changes. I need some play time. Don't see much of that in the near future, though some family dinners are coming up this next week, trouble is famly get togethers mean drama with the two troubled ones. I had a couple crys but for the most part working hard at not carrying something I can do nothing to change, I don't do helpless very well. Walking seems to help me connect with the emotions I am ignoring most of the time and i can run into them and burn them up. Good stress management! Hope everybody else is doing well. Thanks for asking.
Deb
Deborah Roberts